Harry Potter reads the books with a twisty turvy
by Immortal Wolf Lover
Summary: Is DEAD i can no longer find my motivation for this feel free to ADOPT though if you can stand Umbridge the Dumbledore tha goat boy


**READING HARRY POTTER:**_** MY WAY**_

**By: Immortal Wolf Lover**

**(A/N NOT MINE)**

Dolores Umbridge was not a happy toa-woman. She was livid in fact. How in the name of magic did Potter get off the trial scot free? Dolores was pacing back and forth in front of the wall on the seventh floor corridor when a door suddenly appeared on her left. Curious she opened the door and found seven books sitting on a table that chronolized Harry Potters school years. Getting a hideous grin on her even more hideous face Dolores picked up the stack of books and flooed several ministry workers then called everyone to the Great Hall. This led to where we are now.

"What are we doing here Dolores?" Amelia Bones asked in her booming voice when everyone was seated in the Great Hall.

"We are here to expose Harry Potter for the liar that he really is." Dolores answered as if it was obvious.

"And do tell how you plan on doing that." Amelia said grinding her teeth so as to not shout at the toad.

"By reading these books about his life of course." Dolores began oblivious to Amelia's anger.

"WHAT?" Harry Potter shouted from his place at the Gryffindor table.

"You can't just go around reading about people's life?" "How about we read a book on your life to make it fair?" Susan Bones and Hannah Abbot shouted from the Hufflepuff table.

"Who wants to read about the life of the ministers scarlet?" Daphne Greengrass asked loudly from the Slytherin table which made almost everyone laugh while Dolores glared at her.

"Detention Ms. Greengrass!" Dolores yelled over the laughter.

"She was merely stating an opinion. You shouldn't punish her for it Professor Toad." Luna Lovegood stated from the Ravenclaw table while everyone laughed and/or gaped at her.

"Het toad face! If you're gonna give Daph detention then you gotta give me detention too. I ain't gonna leave her with you with no entertainment cause to be honest you are boring as hell." Harry yelled at Dolores.

"We're coming to cause it's fun to watch you try to argue with Harry." Susan, Hannah, and Luna yelled in eerie harmony.

"You are going to argue with Mr. Potter? That I have to see. His stubbornness and temper are something even I know of." Amelia said sounding amused while Dolores grinded her teeth at the students lack of respect.

"What did you call me Mr. Potter?" Dolores asked in her sickly sweet voice.

"I called you something? I believe I called your name, Umbridge." Harry replied coldly.

"That's Professor, Potter." Dolores grounded out through clenched teeth.

"There's no need to call me Professor, sir." Harry said with an innocent expression on his face while everyone gaped at him.

"I'm a woman, Potter!" Dolores yelled while several teachers bit their cheeks to keep from laughing at the set-up Harry discreetly made.

"Really?" Harry asked sounding shocked.

"Yes Potter I am a woman." Dolores said smirking at his stunned face not seeing the trap he made.

"Holy Morganas' saggy tits! Somebody alert the Prophet! Umbitch is a woman! Who knew?" Harry yelled out in fake shock. Everyone (except Umbridge, Fudge, and Snape) busted out in laughter.

"Morganas' saggy tits? Really Mr. Potter?" Amelia asked after she finished laughing. Harry merely shrugged.

"Hey I learned it from _your _'niece'." Harry said pointing at Susan who was wiping away tears of laughter.

"_Hem hem_." Dolores 'coughed' making everyone look at her.

"Do you need a cough drop, Dolores?" Amelia asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, But I would like to start reading now." Dolores said and opened the first book before anyone could protest but stopped in place as several people began moving around. Daphne, Susan, Hannah, and Luna got up and walked over to sit around Harry in an eerie harmony. Amelia and Rolanda Hooch, the quidditch mistress, were smiling while everyone else looked at them curiously.

"What? If she's going to be spilling Harrys secrets then we need to be able to hold each other back so that we don't '_accidently_' get too mad and kill her." Daphne explained at everyones curious and questioning looks. Luna didn't seem to notice the looks as she climbed into Harrys lap and stayed there. Susan and Hannah followed her lead and laid their heads on each of Harrys shoulders while Daphne wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head on top of his. No one even noticed when Rolanda left her seat and sat next to Amelia.

"Mr. Potter why are Ms. Bones and Ms. Abbot leaning on your shoulders?" Professor Sinistra asked breaking the silence.

"Well, I don't think they got enough sleep last night and my shoulders seem to be more comfortable than the table." Harry said grinning sheepishly.

"Why is Ms. Greengrass on your back then?" Professor Victor asked curiously.

"Well I guess she must be tired too and thought that my back and head might be more comfortable than her dorm mates over in Slytherin." Harry said while Daphne patted him on the top of his head as if he were a dog.

"Why is Ms. Lovegood sitting on your lap instead of on the bench?" Professor Sprout asked kindly.

"Well the bench is made of wood so it might have splinters and being the brave Gryffindor that I am I don't mind her sitting on my lap if it protects her from the evil splinters." Harry said blushing when Luna gave him a peck on the cheek. The Hall busted out in laughter at that excuse while Amelia and several teachers chuckled.

"Well take five points for Gryffindor for offering to protect another student at the risk of your own health." Filius Flitwick said grinning at the messy black haired boy.

"In that case he'll be earning points left, right, and center with all those protecting stunts he pulls daily." Poppy Pomfrey said sighing in silent resignation.

"Hey! I don't want anyone to get hurt when they don't deserve it! Besides I always need a good excuse to go visit you, Madam Pomfrey. Can't just go there to have tea without good excuses now can I?" Harry asked grinning at the medic-witch.

"Yet every time you get a chance to visit me you are either walking in sick or carried in out cold on a stretcher. I am one incident away from getting you your own bed in the hospital wing, Mr. Potter." Poppy said shaking her head amusedly.

"Hey it's not my fault trouble always seems to find me and send me to visit you. I'm just Fate's whipping boy. Hey! I should put that on my résumé!" Harry said grinning while the four girls on him laughed.

"_Hem hem." _ Dolores 'coughed' again to gain everyones attention. Harry dug into his pocket and threw something at her.

"Here, have a cough drop it might help you get rid of that annoying cough you seem to have caught." Harry told her while the cough drop bounced off her head and began to fall to the floor behind her. Amelia snatched it right out of the air as though she could see it fall in slow motion and held it out for Dolores ignoring everyone gaping at her.

"I believe this was meant for you, Dolores." Amelia said calmly while her lips twitched upwards slightly.

"How did you catch that? I didn't even notice it until it hit me in the head." Dolores asked ignoring the cough drop. Amelia raised one eyebrow again while retracting her hand.

"I was a Seeker for a reason Dolores. Here Mr. Potter. Delores does not seem to want the cough drop." Amelia said flicking her wrist foreword sending the cough drop zooming across the Hall faster than a speeding bullet. Harry merely raised two fingers and caught the cough drop in between them before it hit him or one of the girls.

"Right anyway. The first book is called **Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone**." Umbridge read aloud while attempting to keep the stunned look from her face at Amelias comment and Harry's reflexes. Harry groaned loudly and moved Luna so that he could bang his head on Gryffindor table.

"Did that hurt Harry?" Susan asked innocently.

"Want us to kiss it and make it better?" Daphne offered making everyone look at them in shock. Harry picked up his head and opened his mouth to say something when Luna kissed his forehead, quickly followed by Susan, Hannah, and Daphne.

"I swear you four are going to be the death of me one of these days." Harry said sighing at almost everyones thunderstruck look.

"It's not nice to swear Mr. Potter!" Rolanda yelled teasingly.

"That never stops you though!" Harry yelled back making Amelia and the four girls on him laugh.

"You have to admit. He has you there Ro." Amelia said patting Rolandas hand while the Quidditch mistress pouted.


End file.
